I had a workout breakdown the other night. You know the feeling if you live in New England right about now. It’s still dark after work. It’s still cold. There’s piles of snow on the ground. If, like me, you’ve lost the constitution to run outside, you’re going through running withdrawl something awful. You try to drag yourself to the gym after work but it lacks something you just can’t put your finger on…. soul? Spirit? For those of us who run outside and practice yoga ( or do one or the other) the gym can be a soul-sucking place. Everyone’s in their own space, ear buds in, not even acknowledging each other. Oh, I remember the days when I’d go to the gym and work out with a bunch of people and not one of us had our ears plugged up.. know why? Because we actually wanted to TALK TO EACH OTHER. And no, these were not people I was related to, or worked with, or even knew before I had joined that gym. Let’s just say Janet Jackson was all over the radio when this was happening and American Idol wasn’t even germinating in Simon’s brain.. that’s how long ago this was.
So, all of this came to a head the other night when the best of intentions failed me and I didn’t get to work out. I had a melt down. The kind that resulted in my vacuuming with such vigor that I thought I’d break the furniture. Even the dog was in hiding while I worked out my frustration on my dirty floors. After 20 minutes of that, exhausted, I lay down on the bed and tried to gain some perspective. And in that moment, I had a thought: I think my gym membership will let me work out during off-hours at other locations. And… truth be told, there’s one right by my office! So, the next day, work out gear in trunk, I marched over at lunch, with the daylight, and did an hour’s workout. Sure, it wasn’t the most exciting thing but the point is I know I can make an effort to go during the day (I’ve done it before) and it’s so much easier in the winter to exercise with the light. So, problem somewhat solved.
Sometimes, you need to breakdown before you can pull yourself up. Everyone these days is at the end of their ropes. Things are no different for me, either economically or spiritually. All it takes is one more straw and for many, it can break our backs. But remember, sometimes, in that darkest hour, in that sense of total despair, we can find the answer if we just, somehow, can keep an open heart and listen. The answers might be right there in front of us.
Be well, spend light and have a good night.